The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Hellis’ Top Ten Horror Movie Villains

Pennywise018In honor of the season I’ve decided to tackle the topic of horror movie villains. Since no one loves a good horror flick more than I do, I’ve decided no Hellis list could be complete without my ten personal favorites. I give you:


Now I know there will be a great deal of debate here because like sex, what scares someone is just as subjective as what makes them feel good. The list below features what gets inside my head and pounds my fear button like a monkey on crack.

10. Asami Yamazaki – AUDITION

For those of you who have never seen this movie, DON’T. I’ve tried to watch it three times and have never been able to make it past the first thirty minutes. Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

9. Nosferatu – NOSFERATU

Even though I saw this movie as a kid, when people dress up like this particular incarnation of vampire today I am freaked the fuck out. Not bad for a movie made in 1922.

8. Fats – MAGIC

I have to admit that I have never seen this movie. I saw this commercial on television as a kid and it scared me so much that thirty-five years later I’m still freaked out enough to include it on this list.


Though never technically given a name in the SAW series, the puppet known as “Billy” scares the beejezus out of me. Thanks to him I can’t be within ten feet of a tricycle.

6. Pennywise – IT

I’d like to remind you all that the move “IT” was made for television and not a mainstream horror movie. None the less, simply mentioning the name “Pennywise” to anyone who’s seen it will bring about a shudder. That is a testimony to the acting ability of the great Tim Curry. I found the scariest moments weren’t the scenes where he had huge dripping fangs, but the ones where he is simply…smiling.

5. Frank Booth – BLUE VELVET

The least offensive thing about this character is his nearly New England level usage of the word “fuck.” This sociopath rapes, tortures, and mutilates all while huffing amyl nitrate and switching back and forth between two different personalities he refers to as “baby” and “daddy.” This movie should be watched with a Pollyanna chaser just to get the bad taste out of your head.

4. Max Cady – CAPE FEAR

Max Cady isn’t your ordinary everyday grudge stalker because this dude isn’t content to come for you, he’s coming for your daughter. My apologies to purists because as much as I loved Mitchum; DeNiro’s version of Max Cady was far more sadistic to me.

3. Alex Forrest – FATAL ATTRACTION

Cheating husbands and bunnies be warned; this deranged stalker will NOT be ignored.

2. Annie Wilkes – MISERY

A novelist with a kickass car meets his biggest fan. You do the math on why I put it so high on my list.

1. Buffalo Bill – SILENCE OF THE LAMBS

I know what you’re thinking and yes, Hannibal Lecter was the shit. But he’s not who scares me here. Above all others, the character that freaks me the fuck out most is Buffalo Bill. Because you think he’s normal. But make no mistake, Bill doesn’t want to rape you or torture you, he wants to BE YOU. It’s the ultimate insult to your humanity. There is nothing in the world that frightens me more than another person strutting around inside a Hellis skinsuit.

To this day the following song sends chills up my spine:

26 responses

  1. I gotta go with that Nosferatu guy… those long, slender fingers freaked me out.

    October 9, 2014 at 12:17 pm

    • Ugh. My son was born with fingers like that. I covered them up with a blanket until he was two months old. I am a horrible mother.

      October 9, 2014 at 8:03 pm

      • I was born with a p…. never mind… HA!

        October 9, 2014 at 9:22 pm

        • Ha indeed! 🙂

          October 9, 2014 at 9:23 pm

          • yup…

            October 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm

          • going to be coming out with the third book in my sci-fi series after the new year…

            October 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm

            • Sweet! I have to get a move on and read the second one!

              October 9, 2014 at 9:26 pm

              • no pressure… but I am in communication with Eric Idle about using some Monty Python dialog for one of the aliens.

                October 9, 2014 at 9:55 pm

                • REALLY??? That’s amazing! I’ll pick up book two this weekend and get reading!

                  October 10, 2014 at 5:09 am

                  • That would be awesome, but no pressure, really

                    October 10, 2014 at 11:59 am

  2. I am with you in that the actual warped humans are scarier than your puppet/toy/clown/monster stuff. The most evil creatures all go on two legs.

    Also, you have nothing to worry about in terms of skin suits. If you’re as small as you claim, only Peter Dinklage would be able to Buffalo Bill you.

    October 9, 2014 at 12:27 pm

    • Haha….now THAT was funny!

      October 9, 2014 at 12:51 pm

      • Don’t encourage him! 😉

        October 9, 2014 at 8:04 pm

    • How do you know he hasn’t already? Think about that for a moment.

      October 9, 2014 at 8:04 pm

  3. Wow…I had the same mindset today! And I agree….Buffalo Bill gave me more chills than Hannibal ever did!!

    October 9, 2014 at 12:50 pm

    • Oh God. There is a point where he’s at the door talking to Jodi Foster and he smiles, just for a moment. Totally skeeved me out.

      October 9, 2014 at 8:05 pm

      • I still hear his voice in my nightmares. Whoever was responsible for casting that role should be very proud of themselves!

        October 9, 2014 at 8:13 pm

        • I wonder if that actor had known before-hand that he would always be known as Buffalo Bill, would he have taken the role?

          October 9, 2014 at 9:25 pm

          • I sure don’t recall seeing him in anything else….maybe a good thing.

            October 9, 2014 at 9:50 pm

            • I don’t either. He may be like Linda Blair. If your break out role is a sadistic killer, there’s no why you’re getting the romantic lead.

              October 10, 2014 at 5:11 am

  4. The EVIL Dead was the scariest movie for me. Not the entire movie, but the opening credits…

    October 9, 2014 at 1:07 pm

    • I knew I liked you, Bytes! Evil Dead RULES!!!

      October 9, 2014 at 8:05 pm

  5. George Lucas, for introducing Jar Jar Binks, and for mercilessly gutting my childhood with that Episode 1, 2, 3 crap.

    October 9, 2014 at 1:40 pm

    • My children gave me strict orders not to watch those episodes for just that reason. As a consequence, none of the Star Wars prequel characters made it into the decorating scheme for my new office.

      Oh yes, there is a theme, and it involves Star Wars among other things. Stand by…

      October 9, 2014 at 8:07 pm

  6. “Yes, she will, Precious, she will get the hose!”

    October 9, 2014 at 10:02 pm

    • GAH!!! Even his little dog was creepy!

      October 10, 2014 at 5:12 am