The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Meet The Reaper on Halloween And Win Free Stuff!



Tomorrow is Halloween- the one day a year when souls breech the veil between the living and the dead and make my life Hell. Tomorrow is also FUNNY BLOG FRIDAY’s first ever blog hop, an event intended to celebrate humor and incite laughter in all who stop by.

Whoopdee Freakin’ Do.

I know I’m supposed to be as jazzed about this as Hellis is, but that’s fucking impossible. That Hellis chick’s not right in the head. She’s so amped for this in fact that she asked me to turn one of my “legendary” rants into a blog post for the occasion. I said yes, of course. After taking a colossal Bit O’ Honey dump, ranting will be the easiest thing I do all day.

After I said yes to Hellis I began to wonder what it was I’d rant about. Ebola is hot right now, but I decided that topic would be best left for Pestilence to chime in on. War’s got a plan in store for ISIS that I can’t let out of the bag just yet, and Famine has been stuck in a rage loop over the legitimacy of calling Candy Corn food since the late 1880’s.

Hot button issues aren’t really my thing, so I decided that if I am going to rant, I am going to make it purely about what or who chaps my well-boned ass, and that, my friends, is none other than a Mister [NAME REDACTED].

What? You didn’t think it was going to be that easy, did you? Foolish mortals.

Tomorrow I’ll be ranting about a certain musician that I’ve been known to refer to as the King of the Douchebags. Can you guess who that is? All you have to do to win a prize is:

1.Be the first person to leave the correct guess in the comments and win a free paperback copy of REAPERS WITH ISSUES signed by all four contributing authors

2.Be anyone who leaves a guess in the comments, correct or not, and win a free eBook copy of REAPERS WITH ISSUES

All commenters will receive an email sent to their blog associated email account that will contain both a link to the REAPERS WITH ISSUES Smashwords page as well as a coupon for a free eBook. Comments close at midnight Halloween night.

Make sure you check out the list of other blog “hoppers” participating in tomorrow’s Funny Blog Friday extravaganza. I’ll be back here tomorrow distributing something other than the sweet release of death for a change. Good Luck.


The other Funny Blog Friday bloggers: VISIT THEM!!

Alanna of White Girls Be Like…

Jamie of Fits of Wit

Jessie of Jessie Reyna

Ben of Ben’s Bitter Blog

Jenn of Properly Ridiculous

Alice of Alice At Wonderland

Lisa of Buddhaful Britt

JC of JCS Bloggery

Sarah of No Cry Babies

Elke of The Pretty Platform

Jack of The Things I see Up Here

Chicks A & E of Too Funny Chicks

Charly of Crazy Life

Kevin of Trailer Trash Deluxe

Karilin of That Nameless Color

18 responses

  1. I would guess, but since I’m the first commenter anyways….I say I automatically win. Yay me!

    October 30, 2014 at 1:03 pm

    • Of course you win. Yay Kayjai!

      October 30, 2014 at 2:13 pm

  2. wait… am I not in on this? Or did I panic and bail out because I might be busy… I plan to be here for as much as possible, even though I don’t know what I should be doing exactly… because… you know… computer moron with a crack squirrel infestation…

    October 30, 2014 at 1:11 pm

    • I think all you have to do is give your blog URL to Victoria (Angsty) and ask her to add you to the list. Then this Friday and from what I am gathering every Friday after, you continue to write funny posts that we all link up as a group.

      We are all giving away prizes in honor of the first blog hop (tomorrow) but prizes won’t be happening every week. I’m giving away a signed copy of Reapers and free eBooks for one day only.

      October 30, 2014 at 2:16 pm

      • I can take care of that squirrel problem for you.

        October 30, 2014 at 2:17 pm

      • well… that sounds like it might be within my simple skill set… maybe…

        October 30, 2014 at 2:37 pm

        • Mm…perhaps.

          October 30, 2014 at 6:19 pm

          • I think I did it… now if I can just carry through with it… and nail the dismount…

            October 30, 2014 at 6:26 pm

            • 10!

              October 30, 2014 at 7:24 pm

              • we shall see…

                October 30, 2014 at 7:26 pm

              • There will be links which I suck at… and prizes that I don’t have to give… and time, which I am short of… and stuff

                October 30, 2014 at 7:26 pm

  3. Hang on, this post is funny and it’s only Thursday. This isn’t logical 😉

    October 30, 2014 at 5:12 pm

    • You are on to me!!! 😉

      October 30, 2014 at 6:21 pm

  4. There is only one King of All Douchebags and that is John Mayer.

    November 1, 2014 at 11:26 am

    • You are correct!

      November 1, 2014 at 3:52 pm

      • Huzzah!! I hope I win a douchebag.

        November 1, 2014 at 3:56 pm

  5. Hmm…how about a story about one instead?

    November 1, 2014 at 4:07 pm