The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Hellis The Pissah Versus The Crazy Athiest

95320Some of you may not know that I am a die-hard New Englander, which means that I am required by law to give people a hard time (usually while drunk in a pub). We call that “being a Pissah,” in our native New Englandese.

Even as a New Englander I know I should be above something like what follows, but I’m not. This was just too funny for me to pass up. Sometime ago a fellow blogger put out a very funny, very harmless post about MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.

For some reason another blogger named Neil (he offered his name) raped the shit out of XXXX’s comments. (I’ve chosen to respect the blogger’s privacy by replacing his name with XXXX. As you read on you’ll see why). When XXXX blocked his subsequent comments, Neil did what any self-respecting, sane individual would do. He blasted everyone who commented on XXXX’s post, including me.


Since I can resist anything but temptation I took the liberty of answering his questions. You’ll see them in italics after his answers. Feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit. So without further interruption I give you…NEIL!


DO YOU LIKE PEOPLE LYING ABOUT YOU? I DO NOT! Well thank you for defending me!

I read your post in reply to XXXX’s lies about me and so I shall ask if you believe in Truthfulness, Honor, Honesty. Integrity and Fairness or not? Yeah, I’m gonna go with “Not.” I’m morally compromised. Easier to get laid that way.


Do you not think it is rational, intelligent and logical to know BOTH sides BEFORE rushing to judgement? Not…think…” the negatives are giving me SAT flashbacks.

Should you not have the facts BEFORE you agree with XXXX is? Great. Now I have the FACTS OF LIFE theme song stuck in my head. Thanks a lot, douche.

Has it not occurred to you that simply because he writes an entertaining blog and calls himself an Idiot, he is telling the truth? It’s been a while since I had to diagram a sentence, but I’m pretty sure you just exonerated him here.

The facts are that I have a many, many year reputation for being extremely honest and truthful. Many, many a year, but not ALL of them. From 1978-1982 he was known as “Big Daddy Pimp Master.”

In 1964  JUMPING JEHOSEPHAT JUST HOW OLD ARE YOU?!  a friend & co-worker at NCR’s Electronic Division where I was supervising the manufacture of the old large main frame computer’s gave me the nick name of “Nasty Neil”

Brain…on…overload. Can…not…process. Shutting…down…

When I asked him (John Shensky) why he had chosen “Nasty Neil” for my nick name, John replied: “Because you like to go down on me after we…” Oh wait, it’s right here:

“It is because you are always telling the truth and most people do not like hearing the truth.” I like my answer better.

XXXX has just proven he is a perfect example of someone who can not handle the truth! XXXX and Tom Cruise have a lot in common. Well, they have THIS in common. I’m assuming XXXX isn’t a dick who can’t act.  

I can, and on request, will supply reference after reference from people who have known me for longer than XXXX has been alive. Some of my references could go back to 1948! They COULD go back to 1948. But I’m thinking everyone who knew this guy put bullets in their heads somewhere around 1949.

e-me at:

Here is one of them. It is what Phil Ronca sent me. I served with Phil in “B” Battery, 321st FA, 101st Airborne in the 1959 to 1962 time frame. We finally in (thanks to the internet) got back into contact in 2010,


You are one of the most honest and good men I know and I have always told every one so” I’m betting Phil hasn’t been laid since 1962.

AND You were always a good guy and with a good heart. (Until he stumbled across Brainrants’ post about peanut butter and bacon sandwiches).

that is why I was trying to get in touch with you.” (If you want Phil’s email address, just ask.)

Oh sweet Jesus…

Neil, buddy, you have NO idea what you’ve just done! As I type this I am staring at an empty bottle of Adderall and that, my friend, does not bode well for you. Because let me tell you, I’m gonna stuff your boy’s inbox with so many naked pictures of Abe Vigoda he’ll swear it’s a Fire Island butthole. Seriously, when I get through with him your buddy Phil is gonna pound you into hydrogen fusion, I shit you not.


Ok, now to one of the LIES XXXX told about me. Was it the one where you’re part of a gay two-man act called “Bob and Neil” who perform on the strip in Atlantic City? Oh, that’s the truth. Sorry. Carry on.

As far as I can remember, As far as you can remember? It was yesterday Methuselah! (Our boy Neil here is an atheist, so I doubt he’ll get the reference)

the following is about what I posted as a reply to his blog about the movie “Monty Python and The Holy Grail”



And I am sure all of my fellow members in the 4 organizations listed below loved it as well. I’m sorry, but I do not believe in any of those organizations.

We are some of those who have realized main reason most religious people believe in the religion they do and in the number of gods they is simply due to who raised them Yeah, I’m thinking we need to give Lazarus a pass on this one.

We realize had we (or they) been raised as a Jew, we would be a Jew, and the same for being a Moslem or a Christian. And we would believe in a single god. On the other hand, had we been raised as a Hindu or a member of the Shinto religion, we would believe in Many gods. I think you mean Manny Godds, the guy who sells plasma screens off the back of a truck down on Fifth Avenue.


As XXXX did NOT allow this reply to be posted, I ASKED him if he was a religious bigot of not? Is that like “days of yore?”

His reply:

“Neil – No …. I am not a religious bigot…. I just think that publishing a long rambling tirade against all religion as a comment on a movie comedy post is not appropriate. If you care to comment about the actual MOVIE…feel free…. if you want to rant and rave about anything else….go elsewhere Damn it XXXX, you sane bastard! You’re ruining my shtick!


So I sent him a reply in which I said things like: “Well XXXX, you have just proven you really honestly are an Actual Real Idiot! The less popular companion to the “Real” Girl Doll

1. NO, “Oh So Totally Clueless One, my post was NOT “a long rambling tirade against all religion” “Totally Clueless”? Why does Father Time here speak like a twelve year-old cheerleader?

2. Are you so brain dead you actually believe Two or Three short paragraphs are “a long rambling tirade against all religion”? Oh, I sooo want to follow this dude on Twitter.

3. And FYI, “Oh So Illogical One” what I posted was NOT “against” religion in the Least. Wait, the Crypt Keeper knows “text” speak?! Yeah, I’m onto you Ashley.

I simply explained why most religious people ARE religious in the first place and why they believe in the number of gods the do in the second place. (IF YOU THINK I AM WRONG, WHERE IS YOUR PROOF AND/OR YOUR LOGICAL REASONS I AM?)

Alright brain buster, let me get this straight. You’re suggesting the only reason we believe what we do is because we were taught to believe it? Then riddle me this: Despite the fact that I was raised in a strict Catholic family, I find that if I don’t masturbate 2 to 3 times a day I run the risk of stabbing someone in the eye with a pencil. Your logic dictates that I should behave as I was raised. See the flaw?

And yet, it seems YOU ARE TO DENSE to be able to comprehend these simple facts! So THAT’S my problem. I’m DENSE! Yeah, I can live with that. Now where are my batteries…

4. IF you actually had a fully functioning logical brain, you would know “Monty Python and The Holy Grail” a Movie you raved about, is MUCH MORE of an ATTACK on Religion (and bunnies) than was ANYTHING I said!


While I had attempted to post my reply, he had already banned me from being able to reply as well as launching his tirade and his LIES about me.

Worse. Than. Stalin.


I thank you for your time

Neil C. Reinhardt

“A 76 year old Pro Iraq War Agnostic Atheist Activist, a former member of management in some of America’s Top 500 corporations, 101st Airborne Vet,

It’s like he’s getting paid by the “A.”

An Iconoclastic, Philosophizing, Deep Sea Diving, Crime Stopping, Beach Volley Ball Playing Grumpy Old Son Of A Beach!”


21 responses

  1. Poor, poor Neil. I want to take a course in Pissa.

    November 7, 2014 at 4:55 am

    • First, you will need to renounce your allegiance to California and all it’s related sports teams.

      Next you will need to be indoctrinated into New England by drinking copious amounts of Guinness and eating buckets of clam chowdah.

      Finally, you will be required to recite the phrase, “Supah Powah Chowdah Poundah” in proper New Englandese on command.

      If you pass this test you will become an honorary Pissah and receive your official uniform, a Tom Brady jersey.

      November 7, 2014 at 5:08 am

      • I’ve been paroled from California for decades and wouldn’t piss on the place were it in flames. As for the rest, I’ll call.

        Stand the fuck by.

        November 7, 2014 at 5:11 am

        • Bring your snow shoes, SoCal.

          November 7, 2014 at 5:15 am

  2. It’s a pissah contest!

    November 7, 2014 at 10:12 am

    • That it is!

      November 9, 2014 at 7:36 pm

  3. *so confused*

    Speaking of that New England accent… My husband and I took a flight to Boston a few years back. There was a woman, with her kids in front of us. I was absent mindedly listening in on her speaking to them, and very abstractly thought “Wow, she must be one of those deaf people, who had that cochlear surgery later in life, which explains that slurring harshness to her words.” Umm nope! Hello New England accent!

    November 7, 2014 at 10:29 am

    • I’m willing to bet she was from Dorchester, Massachusetts. I sound like I’ve taken elocution lessons because I am originally from Connecticut. Connecticans sound uptight and pretentious. Think Martha Stewart.

      November 9, 2014 at 7:37 pm

      • I accidentally read “electrocution” initially. Boy would that change one’s speech.

        November 10, 2014 at 9:46 am

        • That’s what happened to Katherine Hepburn who is also from Connecticut.

          November 10, 2014 at 9:53 am

          • Ha! Isn’t that yar! (Sorry, you say Katherine Hepburn, I must quote Katherine Hepburn)

            November 10, 2014 at 10:00 am

            • You quoted Katherine Hepburn. You are my new best friend.

              November 10, 2014 at 12:43 pm

  4. I must also be ‘dense’ but it seems like your own blog is a good place to get this worked up about something, not someone else’s… but what do I know? I’m ‘dents’.

    November 7, 2014 at 11:07 am

    • I wish more boneheads would send me emails blasting others. I have no problem mocking them publicly on my blog.

      November 9, 2014 at 7:38 pm

      • I need to keep that reined in… I could get carried away

        November 10, 2014 at 12:28 am

  5. Wow. Just wow.

    November 7, 2014 at 12:32 pm

    • That Neil is a real piece of work, huh?

      November 9, 2014 at 7:39 pm

  6. HMFS, both to you and to InsaneDude. You had me at “word boner.” And you’ve gotta admit, the guy is fairly high-functioning for being off his meds since around 1948.
    2-3 times a day, huh? I once had a co-worker friend declare: “If you jerk off more than 7 times in one day, you’re just bringing up knee cartilage.” Maybe you ladies have a, um, how do you say this in America, a “deeper well?” Something’s wrong about that question, somehow, but, hey, InsaneDude set the bar pretty low, so there you have it. Plus I think I’d have to try a lot harder to offend you.
    You really are a pissah, Hellis. Later tonight I’m raising a glass of AA-and-water towards the eastern sky in your honor, my friend.

    November 7, 2014 at 6:08 pm

    • And I will enjoy a pint of Boone’s Farm while facing west, good buddy. 🙂

      November 9, 2014 at 7:40 pm

  7. I’m sorry to have missed this one the first time around – but the crater’s still giving off heat and radiation. Nice to see your new ‘up-tight’ job hasn’t affected your home life. 😆

    December 6, 2014 at 10:18 pm

  8. Randstein

    I think Pissah is the perfect communication method for today’s world. You are obviously a master. I am taking notes… 🙂

    January 11, 2015 at 11:52 am