The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Check Out My Bitchin’ Office

I should be working on my novel but as usual, I’m blocked and cannot snap out of it. I suppose I could look up one of the hundreds of tricks on the internet that tell you how to break free of writer’s block, or I can do what I always do and write a separate manuscript where all my characters engage in a massive act of group sex.

Since I can’t share that, I decided to blog about the space where all the not-writing happens instead.

First up, the wall of books:


Darth Vader has a home at the end.



I hate traditional bookends. Problem solved thanks to Boba, R2 and Jabba.



Next is my sitting area where I obsessively blog stalk people. But certainly not you…



Admiral Ackbar keeps an eye out for traps.



Like you’ve never had a giant orange octopus rug. Don’t judge.



Whomever guesses correctly the reference to the following pic might get a free gift:



Because Jayne Cobb, that’s why.



To the right is where I pretend to get work done.



See? It’s right there on the screen. Well, the blog is.



Because I’m a Red Sox Fan no matter where I live.



The original Royal Rooter, Michael “Nuf Ced” McGreevy and famed Red Sox Anthem, TESSIE.

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Chewy and C3PO on my Neil Gaiman shrine shelf as seen from my chair. Also, I kind of like Octopi.



To the right of my desk is a fireplace but more importantly, a mantle of honor.



My Grandmother and mother (as a child) washing clothes in the Fasani, Italy village fountain; a very dashing Storm Trooper and an even more dashing oldest kid.



Below are three distinguished members of our nation’s (and the Galactic Republic’s) Military.



Your argument is invalid.



And because every good writer needs a partner:



And the last thing I see when I walk out of my office…a gift from the lovely and talented Fits of Wit…DOUBLE ENTENDRE WALL ART!



That’s a whole lot of time you aren’t going to back, folks. 

42 responses

  1. Wish I had that study, no wonder you are blocked, if I had that Pig n a Poke with the 7.99$ grilled chicken dinner me neither would be able to concentrate on a novel, or even writing just “hello” I´d be staring at that thing the whole day. That Octopus on the floor….bit scary so that probably contribute to you not being able to concentrate.

    I see you have quite a library, and some books I have like Tom Clancy´s (Depth of honour) Richard Bachman, and the one by Colin Powel. Also notice the American flags on top, gives it a nice patriotic touch.

    I work out literally on a computer that´s in a hall way! Where every 5 minutes somebody is passing by behind me and me having to scoot the chair in a little bit more into the table, if you can even call it that.

    Beautiful place to get inspiration if it was me.

    And what is the novel about if you don´t mind me asking.

    December 15, 2014 at 1:08 pm

    • I know what you mean about writing challenges. I wrote my first novel from behind the wheel of a school bus.

      I am working on a pre-quel to my first book. I love it, but it’s quite a challenge.

      December 15, 2014 at 1:46 pm

      • Good luck

        December 15, 2014 at 1:47 pm

        • Ha! Awesome. 🙂

          December 15, 2014 at 1:50 pm

  2. Tie Dye Storm Trooper says: “I would be right at home here.”

    December 15, 2014 at 1:16 pm

    • What a diametrically opposed uniform.

      December 15, 2014 at 7:38 pm

  3. But Christmas Ninja says: “Now get back to work before I gut you like a freekin’ carp!”

    December 15, 2014 at 1:17 pm

  4. Great office. Where can I get some of that awesome décor?

    December 15, 2014 at 1:22 pm

    • I know someone who can hook you up.

      December 15, 2014 at 1:52 pm

  5. A picture of Yoda, you have. Strong The Force is in you.

    December 15, 2014 at 1:24 pm

    • You…thank…you?

      December 15, 2014 at 1:53 pm

  6. European Vacation. Pig n a Poke. Its the game show they were on in the beginning. Don’t quiz me on film because you will get schooled…..

    December 15, 2014 at 2:12 pm

    • Of course it’s probably Groundhog day or something……now I’m second guessing myself which is ridiculous……

      December 15, 2014 at 2:15 pm

      • Don’t feel bad. As an adult heterosexual male, you are at a distinct disadvantage in your ability to get this answer correct. Unless, in fact, you are gay. Then I have to ask, what the hell is the matter with you?

        December 15, 2014 at 2:19 pm

        • Whoa whoa whoa….Pig N a poke IS the game show in which the Griswolds win their fab European Vacation…..I could win on a technicality…technically…..but since I am a better man than to cry foul(and certainly not gay, though I think my mom wishes I had been) I will let this one time slide……I should have figured though that somehow Pig n a Poke is some type of Gay reference. If there is one thing I know about the Gay community, they sure as hell love their Bacon. Cant go more than five feet in a gay bar with out being asked if you like a club sandwich either. One of the mysteries of the elusive and flamboyant Gay Speckled Finch is its ability to produce a type of Bacon aroma through its feathers while doing its mating dance. Like I said , Gays love Bacon.

          December 15, 2014 at 2:31 pm

  7. 1. Thanks for the cool look into your world.
    2. It’s a weekday–why aren’t you working? I’m home commenting because we’re having an ice storm here in Dakota and they called off school and I tearfully volunteered to take the rest of the day off and hang out at home with my daughter, blogstalking while she watches minecraft videos on yt.
    3. That is one of the uniquest desks I’ve ever seen. (Is “uniquest” a word? Did I say it? Then it’s a word ha ha)
    4. I’m jealous of everything that other people have (except diseases, that is), but that is a really cool office you have. I have a “study” or “office” but it’s really a junk depository. So I type at my desk in the “great room” of the trailer here.
    5. I see you have your coffee mug below the level of your keyboard. Good choice.

    December 15, 2014 at 2:19 pm

    • 1. No problem.

      2. I work from home so I can move around hours. Sounds more awesome than it is.

      3. It’s Swedish 🙂

      4. What you didn’t see is that I tried cleaning the storm window next to my desk and now it’s stuck partly open so I have a cold draft blowing on me. Most days I work from my phone in the living room.

      5. I won’t ever make that mistake again!

      December 15, 2014 at 7:46 pm

  8. I love it….I wish I had a room like that, but alas my house is too small. I have made a pact with myself to actually use my writing desk in the new year and get my damn book written!! Best of luck with your block.

    December 15, 2014 at 3:41 pm

    • Thanks! It looks like we have similar goals. I’ve got your back if you’ve got mine!

      December 15, 2014 at 7:47 pm

  9. WalkToRio

    I’d never dare to share pics of my “studio”, it looks like if an exorcism has taken place.
    Yours look really nice, gotta love the pics, specially Pig n a Poke.

    December 16, 2014 at 5:54 am

    • Who doesn’t love Pig In A Poke?

      I should take a pic of this place about six months in. Empty Dunkins cups and take out containers everywhere.

      December 16, 2014 at 7:01 am

  10. You look very….organized. Which is logical.

    December 16, 2014 at 8:01 am

    • Of course. Spock sees all.

      I am beginning to think my fastidiousness is the reason why I cannot tap into my creativity. I should probably just trash the place.

      December 16, 2014 at 8:41 am

  11. They have Miralax for other blockages; they need some product for writer’s block too. Oh, that’s right–it’s called “boxed wine.” 😉

    December 16, 2014 at 7:45 pm

    • Or as the French call it- “Cardboardeaux.”

      December 16, 2014 at 7:56 pm

  12. Could I get a copy of that group-sex manuscript? I know it would keep me in my ‘tidy’ office for quite a while. 🙄

    December 18, 2014 at 11:50 am

    • Of course! You know, I’ve toyed with the idea of doing the same with bloggers…

      December 20, 2014 at 11:31 am

  13. Centaureg

    All that hard work has really paid off. You have a fireplace in your office! Instant envy here. But then you live in the icy north after all. Lovely accommodations. I expect a moratorium on the other kind of “bitchin'” now!

    I hope you and your family have great Holidays and an excellent New Year!


    December 18, 2014 at 1:34 pm

    • Thanks, Greg! And yes, I have ceased the bitchin’ and started work on a new book. I would like some feedback once I’m done, if you wouldn’t mind reading it. I set an end of May deadline for myself.

      December 20, 2014 at 11:33 am

  14. Cool office! The Supernatural version of Groundhog Dog begins with a pig ‘n a poke.

    December 18, 2014 at 2:24 pm


      Now, what to offer as a gift…

      December 20, 2014 at 11:34 am

  15. That is the most awesome office ever… love the Star Wars stuff. Here’s hoping you dispense with the writer’s block soon.

    December 28, 2014 at 11:04 pm

    • As a matter of fact, I have! My daughter and I are going to work on a joint YA project this weekend. She’s quite the talented writer herself. 🙂

      January 2, 2015 at 12:06 pm

      • Best wishes for the project!

        January 4, 2015 at 9:47 pm

  16. Sweet office!!

    January 1, 2015 at 2:35 pm

    • I like it. 🙂

      January 2, 2015 at 12:07 pm