The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate


Photo by Jen Kolb

Two years. Seven months. Fifteen days.

That’s how long it’s been since I’ve posted anything on what used to be my favorite place in the world. Life has a funny way of pulling your attention elsewhere, whether you like it or not.

What I didn’t know before I began writing was that life has always had its own plan for me. That plan is to be what I call “Keeper of the Pain.” Everyone’s pain. I have been destined to hold everyone together while they fall apart, my own wants and needs be damned. I tempted fate when I stepped away from that role to indulge in something for myself- my writing. I looked away for what felt like a moment and when I looked back, my life was in flames.

It has taken me two years, seven months and fifteen days to gain control of that fire, but it is far from extinguished. My role as Keeper of the Pain burns on.

The struggle I face is incorporating my own wants, needs and pain into the firestorm of problems that I deal with daily. This blog, I hope, will become a firestop-  a small, controlled burn to keep the larger fires from raging out of control, consuming me once more.

I hope to light a fire of my own.

I hope.

23 responses

  1. I did a double take when I saw my email and said out loud, “Helis has posted”. Nice to see you back. I’m sorry your chaos had taken you away but I’m glad to see you here again.

    October 26, 2017 at 1:06 pm

    • I am glad to be back! I need to figure out how to say no more often and put myself first. That’s not easy for me to do, but I am making it a priority.

      October 27, 2017 at 4:45 pm

      • I have the same problem. I finally got my first book written and I haven’t had the time to spend trying to find an agent. 😦 I’m too busy doing things for everyone else. We are a dying breed Hellis!

        October 27, 2017 at 7:04 pm

        • That we are. We just need to learn how to include our own wants into our lives.

          October 27, 2017 at 7:28 pm

  2. I had same reaction as PP when your post popped up in my reader. Looking forward to reading your posts again!

    October 26, 2017 at 6:04 pm

    • Thanks! I guarantee they’ll be as weird as ever.

      October 27, 2017 at 4:46 pm

  3. I’m not sure what to say here, H.E. The Patton part of my brain wants to say, “Make the fuckers pay!” The part that is your friend wants to give you a big ol’ hug. Either way, I’m glad to know you’re writing, since I’m one of the anxious crowd awaiting more GOA material. You have a real talent. Don’t let it be hidden.

    October 26, 2017 at 7:46 pm

    • Aww…thanks ‘Rants. You know I’ll take a hug from you anytime.

      I am working on a SciFi short story at the moment to get me back into the habit of writing. I can’t wait for you to read it!

      October 27, 2017 at 4:47 pm

  4. Yep, I know how that goes.
    I’m still wandering. But it’s good to see you.

    October 26, 2017 at 10:54 pm

    • Thanks, Guap. It’s good to see you too. 🙂

      October 27, 2017 at 4:48 pm

  5. Good to see you!

    October 27, 2017 at 12:45 pm

    • Thanks! I am looking forward to writing more here.

      October 27, 2017 at 4:48 pm

  6. The fire of your return has my blog-presence all warm and snuggly. (T.M.I.?)
    I’m organizing a contest to find who’s most happy to see you back. Doesn’t matter, we’re all winners.
    A Sci-Fi story hmm? Yum! Yum! Can’t wait to read it. I’d also like to read ‘Reapers’ #3 and #4, but your assistant couldn’t provide details. Any suggestions would be appreciated.
    Welcome Back! 😀 😀 🌯

    October 27, 2017 at 8:25 pm

    • Be careful what you wish for, Archon. Part of what has taken me away was my sojourn into the world of government contracted business, toiling under the harridan to end all harridans. She will feature prominently in my new improved version of Reapers. I intend to use books 2 and 3 for catharsis and closure.

      October 31, 2017 at 2:21 pm

      • I must have misinterpreted a comment. I understood that Tall, Dark and Confused, your oversized ghost writer, had composed Reapers #3 and #4, and was waiting for you to finish #2, so that they could be published in order.
        I eagerly await both your Sci-Fi and Harridans With Issues 2 and 3. 😀

        November 1, 2017 at 11:15 pm

        • Tall, Dark and “Ranty” just got the rug pulled out from under him in terms of rewrites. This poor guy. Lucky for me he is such a good sport!

          November 5, 2017 at 1:37 pm

  7. It’s been 7 months since I’ve written anything too..Maybe we should both emerge again…

    October 29, 2017 at 3:19 pm

    • Yes! Although, I think you should write about how to stay sparkly while simultaneously being the world’s best mom!

      October 31, 2017 at 2:22 pm

  8. Holy Crap! H.E., BrainRants…just like old times! Glad you’re back! Alright, then. I need to get crackin’ on my ol’ blog, too. I hardly wrote this year.

    November 1, 2017 at 9:02 am

    • Yes! Please do!

      November 5, 2017 at 1:38 pm

  9. I don’t have words to tell you how much I missed you. And sorry for the pain and fire thing. Also, WordPress seems to be dying. Remember the parties we had on my record-breaking ‘most comments ever’ blog post? Now I can’t get anybody to even leave a single message. All the best people are gone. Let’s run away together. Or write something together.

    November 3, 2017 at 5:16 pm

    • I think that’s a great idea. I’ll come to you. Your weather and company is better than in D.C.

      November 5, 2017 at 1:38 pm