Quest For A Shamrock Shake
Like most Americans, I mark the changing of seasons not by dates or by weather or by solstices, but by the return of iconic milkshakes. Arby’s Orange Creme shake marks the beginning of summer, their Pumpkin Cheesecake shake welcomes the fall, McDonald’s Eggnog shake is a classic every winter but the best and most anticipated of all is their Shamrock Shake in the spring.
Last year was a major disappointment for me because it seemed like every time I pulled up to order, there was a Debbie Downer behind the microphone telling me they were out of Shamrock shakes, or that the machine was down for cleaning. I don’t believe that excuse for a minute. I think the staff at McDonald’s was hogging all the Shamrock awesome.
This year, I’ve decided to record my attempts at acquiring the elusive Shamrock Shake. I expect to reveal a pattern within my thwarted attempts and shall bring down those who stand between me and my quest for minty goodness!
18:34 – LITE ‘EM UP by Fall Out Boy
I leave my domicile to retrieve daughter from her friend’s house. I swing through the first McDonald’s drive-thru and am greeted by a very stressed out voice that tells me they are out of Shamrock Shakes. I thank the voice and pull out of line.
18:42 – HATE ME by Blue October
Daughter enters car and announces she has been craving Shamrock Shakes all day. I take it as a sign to try again.
I pull into the second McDonald’s drive-thru and immediately turn on Dropkick Murphys, hoping the luck o’ the Irish will aid me in my quest for Shamrock Shakes. I should have brought a Leprechaun, because by the time I pulled up to the box there is a note taped to it stating that they are out of Shamrock Shakes.
Since I can no longer back out of line due to a row of soon to be disappointed customers lined up bumper to bumper behind me, I am relegated to order something. I order two vanilla shakes. I tell my daughter I have a plan.
19:07 – RETURN HOME
I break out my Creme de Menthe extract and drop it in slowly. I even add a touch of green food coloring and voila! A Shamrock Shake is born!*
*Do not ever do this.
I plan to attempt another Shamrock Shake run tomorrow. If anyone has a Leprechaun, please let me know.