The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

F*cked Up Fairy Tales

FUFTEBOOKCOVERFrom the warped and creative minds of the Blogosphere’s most talented writers comes a retelling of classic fables and fairy tales, each one more twisted than the last.  F*cked Up Fairy Tales is childhood as you never remembered it.

Every author who participates in the project wins a spot on THE BLOGGER COLLECTIVE page (presently under construction) with links back to his/her blog of choice. There are also weekly interviews planned if you choose to participate. But best of all, 100% of the authors’ profits from F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES are donated to charity (more info to come).

Check out our list of contributors below. If you’d like become part of THE BLOGGER COLLECTIVE contact us at heellisgoa (at) gmail (dot) com with your story idea.


  1. Aladdin – Emerald Dragun Studios
  2. Ant and the Grasshopper – g00dg33kranting
  3. Cinderella – Trailer Trash Deluxe
  4. Elves and the Shoemaker – Edward Hotspur
  5. Emperor’s New Clothes – Sparklebumps
  6. Goldilocks and the Three Bears – The Elite of Just Alright
  7. Legend of Santa Claus – ReadTomLucas
  8. Peter Pan – The Fog of Ward
  9. Pinocchio – MC’s Whispers
  10. Princess and the Pea – Polysyllabicprofundities
  11. Rumpelstiltskin – Sightsnbytes
  12. Sleeping Beauty – Kayjai
  13. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs – Very Normal
  14. Three Billy Goat’s Gruff – VanillaMom
  15. Three Little Pigs – Pouringmyartout
  16. Thumbelina – Sandylikeabeach
  17. Tooth Fairy – Kosative D
  18. Tortoise and the Hare – Archon’s Den
  19. Ugly Duckling – Grafiklit

VOLUME TWO (tentative release February 1, 2014):

  1. Beauty and the Beast – Tom Elias
  2. Gingerbread Man – HR Nightmare
  3. Hansel and Gretel – Madame Weebles
  4. Jack and the Bean Stalk – BrainRants
  5. Little Mermaid – Sparklebumps
  6. Little Red Riding Hood – Rantonit
  7. Puss in Boots – El Guapo
  8. Rapunzel – H.E. Ellis
  9. Red Shoes – Sparklebumps
  10. Snow Queen – Jennifer Vaughn


71 responses

  1. Pingback: F*cked Up Fairy Tales « H.E. ELLIS

  2. You got it! Thanks!

    September 16, 2012 at 6:08 pm

  3. kat

    Interesting . . . Lay the Ugly Ducking on me! A spring 2013 deadline fits in perfectly with my procrastinating personality.

    September 16, 2012 at 10:05 pm

    • Ugly Duckling it is! Thanks! As a fellow lover of all things dark and spooky, feel free to take this anywhere you want to go with it. I’m sincerely hoping at least one of these stories is all sick and twisted.

      September 17, 2012 at 4:52 am

      • kat

        I already have an idea for the tale, and yeah, I think it’ll be twisted.

        September 18, 2012 at 12:23 pm

        • PERFECT. The darker and more twisted, the better.

          September 18, 2012 at 6:22 pm

      • Inhgists like this liven things up around here.

        April 24, 2014 at 7:57 am

  4. I had a great little story about Goldilocks in my printed file, but I couldn’t find it quickly enough. Perhaps I’ll just post it on my site. Thanks for the heads-up about Canadica. I included the info in today’s post, and blamed you

    September 17, 2012 at 2:17 am

    • I saw! I think I left the same comment on Sight’s blog. I need to hop over there and give him a link to this page. You should do Elves, Archon! I bet you could make it a timely allegory on the Canadian health care system. There’s a hidden Orwell in you, I know it!

      September 17, 2012 at 4:54 am

  5. with a name like my true name, Rumpelstiltskin is one I could definitely write about

    September 17, 2012 at 6:34 am

    • Rumplestiltskin is all yours, buddy!

      September 17, 2012 at 6:39 am

      • okay, now I have to re-read the original

        September 18, 2012 at 5:48 pm

  6. Since I am a tiny woman, I’ll take on Thumbelina, but not in a cage fight. I’ll simply retell her tale. I don’t know much about Thumbelina except that she was/is tiny. Wikipedia mentions cockchafers. I don’t know what they are either, but it sounds like the kind of made up word I might use.

    September 17, 2012 at 11:08 am

    • COCKCHAFERS?!?! HOW HAVE I NEVER HEARD OF THIS WORD??? Yes, you are definitely down for Thumbelina!

      September 17, 2012 at 11:35 am

  7. TomEliasWriter

    I work with cockchafers. Your BatB is coming right up…

    September 19, 2012 at 6:10 am

  8. Pingback: What to tell you. « Megan Stephenson

  9. JenniferVaughn

    Is “The Snow Queen” still available? If so, I’ll take it.

    September 19, 2012 at 6:12 pm

    • THE SNOW QUEEN is yours! 🙂

      September 19, 2012 at 6:39 pm

  10. Oh…. lol. I misunderstood. Am I supposed to re-write the billy goats’ bluff? I’ll need to think about this…

    September 19, 2012 at 6:21 pm

    • Yes, you write your own take on the story THREE BILLY GOATS GRUFF. It can be funny or sad or dark or whatever. I’d like to keep it at 5000 words or less, if possible. I am also shooting for an April 2013 deadline. Think it over. I bet you could have fun with it!

      September 19, 2012 at 6:41 pm

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  14. I need your email addy so I can send you what I have.

    October 23, 2012 at 10:31 pm

  15. vanillamom

    hi just found your blog via a blog friend…and might take on the challenge of 3 Billy goats gruff…what’s your deadline? I did a Rapunzel story last year (its on my blog in the pages under my header, should you choose to take a glance at it)….but no holds barred…? I love challenges like that!


    November 11, 2012 at 10:09 am

    • My deadline is April 1, 2013 so I hope that’s enough time. Consider THREE BILLY GOATS GRUFF yours! I’m heading to your blog now…

      November 11, 2012 at 10:11 am

      • vanillamom

        kewl! April is PLENTY of time! I’ll try to bang it out much sooner than that…*grin*…


        November 11, 2012 at 10:20 am

  16. Pingback: The Emperor’s New Clothes « H.E. ELLIS

  17. This sounds really cool. I read both Edward Hotspur and Doggy’s Style’s blogs and found you through them. This is a great project. So are you still taking submissions? I’ll have to see what fairy tales are left!

    January 4, 2013 at 11:23 am

    • All the above fairy tales are taken, but I am sure there are either some that I missed or fables that can be twisted. I will do some looking and let you know. If you find one first just drop me a comment here!

      January 4, 2013 at 5:57 pm

  18. vanillamom

    I have started.


    I have a title, and it’s on the the page.


    it’s a start.

    Next week I plan to sit and get to it…my muse will tell me when I’ve got it twisted right (wrong?!) in my head…but …I’ve not forgotten, and am actually pretty excited about it (the holidays really screwed with my time for writing!)

    Happy New Year!


    January 4, 2013 at 11:01 pm

    • Thanks so much! I know it will be amazing!

      January 30, 2013 at 3:34 pm

  19. This is your fault, you know. First line of the story, which certainly will punch my Fast Pass to Hell:

    “Peter knew shit was getting out of hand even before Captain Hook tore off Tinker Bell’s G-string.”

    January 29, 2013 at 2:37 pm

    • Join the club. I once wrote, “Genghis Khan is the deputy Reaper who violates Jesus’ shih-tzu.”

      January 30, 2013 at 3:36 pm

  20. vanillamom

    mwhahahhahaha…fastpass to hell…that made me almost snort tea out my nose!

    Mine is done, first draft, but I need it to sit and stew a day, and do my proofing, and then I’ll reread how to send it along to you. I really enjoyed working on the Three Gruff Sisters and the Troll… 🙂


    (reallly looking forward to reading these…!)

    January 29, 2013 at 3:00 pm

    • Oh dear Lord that’s going to be awesome…

      January 30, 2013 at 3:37 pm

      • vanillamom

        thanks! I’m hoping to proof this weekend when my kids are out of the house and I can think.



        February 1, 2013 at 11:52 am

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  22. Pingback: Three Gruff Sisters and the Troll | H.E. ELLIS

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  24. Would love to do Pinocchio if it is still available!?

    August 1, 2013 at 5:08 pm

    • Absolutely. Consider it yours.

      August 1, 2013 at 5:11 pm

  25. I’ll take the Princess and the Pea!!

    August 1, 2013 at 8:14 pm

  26. Pingback: The Storyteller | polysyllabic profundities

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  28. Hey Hellis….just want to make sure you got my email with my take on the Princess and the Pea. I don’t want to miss the deadline!! Thanks.

    August 22, 2013 at 3:15 pm

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  31. Hi. Can I come on board? What’s available?

    November 24, 2013 at 4:24 pm

    • I’ll pencil you in for Jack and the Beanstalk. Let’s see what you can do with that, Tanker.

      November 24, 2013 at 4:36 pm

      • You’re fooked.

        November 24, 2013 at 4:37 pm

        • Oh…


          November 24, 2013 at 4:39 pm

        • The Elite of Just Alright

          Jesus Christ. Why would you let THIS guy write ANYTHING?

          November 30, 2013 at 2:59 pm

        • Woot, I will ceianrtly put this to good use!

          April 24, 2014 at 8:33 pm


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