My name is H.E. Ellis, and I am chronically immature.
That’s a bit harsh. Maybe a more accurate description would be that I am suffering from a case of arrested development. I guess that’s what you’d call my need to prioritize my life by what is fun as opposed to what is necessary. My AD affliction isn’t so bad in and of itself, but it affects my husband’s life daily. Here are the top ten reasons why my husband is a saint:
I wrote a young adult novel entitled THE GODS OF ASPHALT. The storyline came to me while I was sick, listening to my sons and their father argue in the next room while I lay in bed, unable to referee their emotions. For over a month I listened to them fight, play, and solve problems without me. It was mind-blowing. I felt like Dian Fossey. But instead of gorillas, I discovered how men interact with each other when women aren’t around.
I am blessed to share my birthday with the great Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr, who would have been 89 years-old today. I’ve always felt a kinship with Dr. King because of our shared birthdays, and have strived to emulate him in word and deed my whole life. This isn’t always easy to do, because unlike my best friend who shares a birthday with Hitler, my birthday has some pretty big shoes to fill.
I hate myself right now.
Not a desperate, self-loathing kind of hate- it’s more of an “ironic trombone” kind.
You see, I decided to trade my uber time-suck of a management job for something part-time in order to free myself up to write and blog and spout my personal irreverent form of rhetoric. This idea sounded good at the time, until I realized that it had been nearly fifteen years since my last job hunt and that I had technically already quit my job (my former boss said so. I asked him).
Now what I am left with is plenty of time not to write, but to search for my awesome new job that will not be an uber time-suck in disguise. So after a whole lot of hits and misses and a sketchy offer of a career in foot porn (my feet are adorable) this happened: (more…)
It’s finally here- the day I’ve been waiting for- the moment I’ve dreamed of as I slaved away at my desk for thirteen hours a day, six days a week. Rejoice with me because today is no other than…
THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!!
That’s right. Today marks the beginning of two months of a forty-hour work week! This sounds sarcastic, but it is muay awesome-o. I intend to spend the entire two months blogging and writing just as the Lord intended. So raise your glasses of lemonade, iced tea or HR Nightmare’s Trailer Park Cocktail (see recipe below) in honor of Summer!
Now take it away, Fred!
HR Nightmare’s Trailer Park Cocktail
1 can coconut milk
1 container frozen limeade concentrate
2 cups lime soda
1 cup Malibu Rum
Pour over ice and serve in a Mason Jar
Hellis here, taking a quick break from the grind to remind you it’s almost time for the release of the Blogger Compilation Project, F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES! If you’ve signed on to contribute please submit your story as soon as possible. The moment I have all contributions in I’ll release your book! All contributions should be sent to heellisgoa (at) gmail (dot) com
For more of the Blogger Compilation Project read the novella,
– The world’s most beloved holiday icons presented in a collection of irreverent interviews that take on the backstory of their imagined existences.