The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Posts tagged “Books

Who Is My Target Audience?

I wrote a young adult novel entitled THE GODS OF ASPHALT. The storyline came to me while I was sick, listening to my sons and their father argue in the next room while I lay in bed, unable to referee their emotions. For over a month I listened to them fight, play, and solve problems without me. It was mind-blowing. I felt like Dian Fossey. But instead of gorillas, I discovered how men interact with each other when women aren’t around.

(more…)

Advertisements

How to Avoid the Slushpile, by H.E. Ellis

fbf-1It’s Funny Blog Friday again, and I’m here to not only brighten your day but to pass along some sage advice on how to avoid the dreaded slushpile.

What’s the slushpile, you ask? The slushpile, my friends, is the virtual trash bin where your manuscript lands the moment a prospective agent determines it is not yet ready for publication. Believe me, after all your hard work this is no place you want to be.

So how do you avoid the slushpile? Read widely? Write often? Find yourself a solid writers’ group?

Hell no! You do it by following my advice, of course! I’ve spent the past year creating a collection of books designed to help would-be authors navigate their way through the jungle that is the publishing world. Choose from the following: (more…)


It’s Groundhog Day!

In keeping with the month-old tradition of holiday icon interviews I am pleased to bring you a sit down with the original weatherman himself. Today we dig deeper into the mind and home of none other than…The Groundhog. (more…)


Check Out My Bitchin’ Office

I should be working on my novel but as usual, I’m blocked and cannot snap out of it. I suppose I could look up one of the hundreds of tricks on the internet that tell you how to break free of writer’s block, or I can do what I always do and write a separate manuscript where all my characters engage in a massive act of group sex.

Since I can’t share that, I decided to blog about the space where all the not-writing happens instead.

First up, the wall of books:

(more…)


Hellis The Pissah Versus The Crazy Athiest

95320Some of you may not know that I am a die-hard New Englander, which means that I am required by law to give people a hard time (usually while drunk in a pub). We call that “being a Pissah,” in our native New Englandese.

Even as a New Englander I know I should be above something like what follows, but I’m not. This was just too funny for me to pass up. Sometime ago a fellow blogger put out a very funny, very harmless post about MONTY PYTHON AND THE HOLY GRAIL.

For some reason another blogger named Neil (he offered his name) raped the shit out of XXXX’s comments. (I’ve chosen to respect the blogger’s privacy by replacing his name with XXXX. As you read on you’ll see why). When XXXX blocked his subsequent comments, Neil did what any self-respecting, sane individual would do. He blasted everyone who commented on XXXX’s post, including me.

BIG. FUCKING. MISTAKE.

Since I can resist anything but temptation I took the liberty of answering his questions. You’ll see them in italics after his answers. Feel free to agree or disagree as you see fit. So without further interruption I give you…NEIL! (more…)


It’s Funny Blog Friday!

fbfHappy Halloween and welcome to our first ever Funny Blog Friday! Me, along with a group of other hi-larious bloggers, are celebrating an otherwise spooky holiday with loads of laughter and free stuff! Click the links to participating bloggers at the bottom of the page for a chance at winning prizes and to read a lot of funny blogs, too.

Since our first Funny Blog Friday has fallen on Halloween, I thought it only appropriate to call on one of the rantiest funniest people…er, “beings” I know for a good laugh. (more…)