The sub-moronic ramblings of a semi-functioning illiterate

Posts tagged “novel

Answer an Impossible Question and WIN A PRIZE!

When I get bored, which is often, I send my mother random texts to annoy her like, “I lost my Saint Anthony medal and can’t find it.” (shout out to all my Catholic homies who get the significance of this). I also like to send annoying texts sent as people she doesn’t know. It never occurs to her to question who they are from, which makes them that much funnier.

Due to the change in our political climate, I’ve had to cease sending her my favorite kind of text, those from random immigration officers. It’s not so funny anymore now that deportation is a possibility.

I was recently scrolling through my phone, reminiscing, when I found a text that I’d forgotten I’d sent. It read: (more…)

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Check Out My Bitchin’ Office

I should be working on my novel but as usual, I’m blocked and cannot snap out of it. I suppose I could look up one of the hundreds of tricks on the internet that tell you how to break free of writer’s block, or I can do what I always do and write a separate manuscript where all my characters engage in a massive act of group sex.

Since I can’t share that, I decided to blog about the space where all the not-writing happens instead.

First up, the wall of books:

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Meet The Reaper on Halloween And Win Free Stuff!

fbf

FROM THE DESK OF THE GRIM REAPER:

Tomorrow is Halloween- the one day a year when souls breech the veil between the living and the dead and make my life Hell. Tomorrow is also FUNNY BLOG FRIDAY’s first ever blog hop, an event intended to celebrate humor and incite laughter in all who stop by.

Whoopdee Freakin’ Do.

I know I’m supposed to be as jazzed about this as Hellis is, but that’s fucking impossible. That Hellis chick’s not right in the head. She’s so amped for this in fact that she asked me to turn one of my “legendary” rants into a blog post for the occasion. I said yes, of course. After taking a colossal Bit O’ Honey dump, ranting will be the easiest thing I do all day. (more…)


SciFi Face-Off!

Today I have decided to pay homage to the late, great Gene Roddenberry on what would have been his 93rd birthday by conducting an interview I believe he might have enjoyed. Now I ask you, what better way to pay tribute to one of the greatest contributors to the SciFi genre than to have a face-off of Starship Captains? Ladies and gentlemen I give you…

JAMES T. KIRK    VS    JEAN-LUC PICARD

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F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES IS HERE!

  • Has the stress of facing the holiday season alone got you down?
  • Are you dreading another Thanksgiving Day dinner defending your recreational life choices to your staunch Republican (insert Military Branch Rank of your choice here) Father?
  • Tired of being seated between your fighter pilot/Sunday school teacher/Abercombie & Finch model big brother and your half-dead Grandmother who smells like cheese?

WELL HAVE I GOT A SOLUTION FOR YOU!

From the warped and creative minds of the Blogosphere’s most talented writers comes a retelling of classic fables and fairy tales, each one more twisted than the last. F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES is the first of a two eBook novella series created by THE BLOGGER COLLECTIVE, a talented group of participating authors from around the Blogosphere. It’s childhood as you never remembered it. 

BUT WAIT…THERE’S MORE!

F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES  is guaranteed to make your brother come out of the closet while simultaneously giving Granny Limburger a moist-y.

F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES has been proven to increase penis size, get your car better gas mileage and give your ex-girlfriend a scorching case of rotten-crotch.

JOIN THE FUN! PICK UP YOUR VERY OWN eBook COPY OF F*CKED UP FAIRY TALES TODAY!

FUFTEBOOKCOVER


Review: SALOON AT THE EDGE OF EVERYWHERE

sateoeThe planets must have finally aligned, because our favorite resident blogger/Photoshop terrorist/space cadet has written a book. Not just any book- but a SciFi book with a blast of fantasy and a galaxy of humor.

And toilets.

I had the privilege of reading SALOON AT THE EDGE OF EVERYWHERE and am happy to say it was everything I thought it would be- a funny and sweet read that doesn’t take itself too seriously, just like the author himself.

A.H. Browne’s story was so irreverent that I just had to know more about the brain behind the book. Well thank our lucky stars, because today I get to bring you none other than Pouring My Art Out himself, A.H. Browne. (more…)